1. The statue of Mary. Required by canon law.
2. Toys…lots of toys…new toys, old toys, big toys, little toys, inside toys, outside toys, broken toys, and…seriously, where did all these toys come from?
3. The St. Francis bird bath – a classic. Do they use Dove shampoo? Just asking.
4. The Saint Lawrence decal on your grill. Because, well, you know.
5. The patch of bare dirt where you buried St. Joseph. Upside down, just like the housing market.
6. “20 + C + M + B + 13” written above the door of the kids’ playhouse.
7. The outdoor Nativity scene. Aaaaand stop! Don’t you dare think about Christmas again until December!
8. The lawn that looks just a little shaggier than your neighbor’s, because between one kid’s play practice, another kid’s swimming lesson, another kid’s soccer practice, another kid’s ballet lesson, and another kid’s doctor appointment…ain’t nobody got time for that.
9. The Pope Innocent III action figure in the sandbox. Defending the Church against heretics, barbarians, and Skeletor.
10. Two dogs named Sixtus and Cornelius.
11. Saint trading cards scattered across the lawn. The St. Stephen rookie card is priceless.
12. Sidewalk chalk written on the driveway: “Jimmy is consubstantial with a fat head jerk face.”
13. And of course…KIDS!!!