21 Ways Catholics Break Up With Each Other

 

Because sometimes you just need to stick a fork in it and go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

 

1.   “I just think you would look really good in vestments.”

 

vestments 4

 

 

2.   “I’ve been praying about it, and I think God wants you to become a nun.”

 

nun

 

 

3.   “I can’t marry someone who only wants eight kids.”

 

dozen

 

 

4.   “Let’s just be friends, and then we can offer up all the horrible awkwardness for the souls in Purgatory.”

 

awkward

 

 

5.   “I can’t decide if I love you or hate you – you’re like Notre Dame, but without football.”

 

nd

 

 

6.   “Like a deer that longs for running streams, I long for running away from you.  Really far away.”

 

deer

 

 

7.   “You’re a great guy.  You’re just not Mr. Knightley.”

 

knightley

 

 

8.   “You’re a great guy.  You’re just not Jim Caviezel.”

 

Jim-Caviezel

 

 

9.   “You’re a great guy.  You’re just not Eduardo Verista…Vestigeri…that hot guy from Bella.”

 

eduardo-verastegui-bella

 

 

10.   “I’m sorry – I can’t be with someone who giggles every time they see the word ‘nuptial’.”

 

wedding invitation

 

 

11.   “The way you eat cereal would be grounds for annulment.”

 

beast

 

 

12.   “I’m done with you, and with your spirit.”

 

break up

 

 

13.   “My heart and my mind had a conclave, and you lost.”

 

VATICAN POPE CONCLAVE

 

 

14.   “When you told me you were going on vacation for two weeks, all I heard was ‘Fortnight of Freedom’.”

 

fortnight

 

 

15.   “It’s not you, it’s me…and it’s also this guy Enrique who I met at World Youth Day.”

 

sunglasses

 

 

16.   “Whenever God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.  You should find that window and jump out.”

 

maria

 

 

17.   “Your Old Spice smells like incense, and that’s just a little too weird for me.”

 

incense

 

 

18.   “I feel like I’m embracing my cross every time we hug.”

 

hug

 

 

19.   “You have to choose between me and your religious jigsaw puzzles.”

 

puzzle

 

 

20.   “You’re dead to me, and may perpetual light shine upon you.”

 

bagpipes

 

 

21.   “My parish is having a food drive for kids in Africa.  I volunteered to drive the food to Africa, so I might be gone a while.”

 

car

 

 

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Categories:Humor

42 thoughts on “21 Ways Catholics Break Up With Each Other

  1. BobTanaka says:

    Hmm…can’t help noticing that all the “you’re great but” ones are from a female perspective. What about some “you’re a great girl, but you’re just not Lizzy Bennet.” Or “…but you’re just not Sigrid Undset.” Or “…but you’re just not Nancy Thompson.”

  2. Éamonn says:

    The first time my wife saw me I was wearing a cassock and surplice… and she likes both my Old Spice AND incense… I guess it’s a good thing that each person has their own unique vocation :-)

  3. john says:

    I knew it was over when you started to call driving the road to my mother’s house “the valley of tears”.

    1. DeAnne says:

      Love it!

  4. john says:

    I’m giving you up for Lent. And then making it permanent on Easter.

  5. MaryS says:

    #4 – definitely, #4 !!!

  6. Aaron says:

    Been praying about this for a long time…

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