21 Ways Catholics Break Up With Each Other

 

Because sometimes you just need to stick a fork in it and go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

 

1.   “I just think you would look really good in vestments.”

 

vestments 4

 

 

2.   “I’ve been praying about it, and I think God wants you to become a nun.”

 

nun

 

 

3.   “I can’t marry someone who only wants eight kids.”

 

dozen

 

 

4.   “Let’s just be friends, and then we can offer up all the horrible awkwardness for the souls in Purgatory.”

 

awkward

 

 

5.   “I can’t decide if I love you or hate you – you’re like Notre Dame, but without football.”

 

nd

 

 

6.   “Like a deer that longs for running streams, I long for running away from you.  Really far away.”

 

deer

 

 

7.   “You’re a great guy.  You’re just not Mr. Knightley.”

 

knightley

 

 

8.   “You’re a great guy.  You’re just not Jim Caviezel.”

 

Jim-Caviezel

 

 

9.   “You’re a great guy.  You’re just not Eduardo Verista…Vestigeri…that hot guy from Bella.”

 

eduardo-verastegui-bella

 

 

10.   “I’m sorry – I can’t be with someone who giggles every time they see the word ‘nuptial’.”

 

wedding invitation

 

 

11.   “The way you eat cereal would be grounds for annulment.”

 

beast

 

 

12.   “I’m done with you, and with your spirit.”

 

break up

 

 

13.   “My heart and my mind had a conclave, and you lost.”

 

VATICAN POPE CONCLAVE

 

 

14.   “When you told me you were going on vacation for two weeks, all I heard was ‘Fortnight of Freedom’.”

 

fortnight

 

 

15.   “It’s not you, it’s me…and it’s also this guy Enrique who I met at World Youth Day.”

 

sunglasses

 

 

16.   “Whenever God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.  You should find that window and jump out.”

 

maria

 

 

17.   “Your Old Spice smells like incense, and that’s just a little too weird for me.”

 

incense

 

 

18.   “I feel like I’m embracing my cross every time we hug.”

 

hug

 

 

19.   “You have to choose between me and your religious jigsaw puzzles.”

 

puzzle

 

 

20.   “You’re dead to me, and may perpetual light shine upon you.”

 

bagpipes

 

 

21.   “My parish is having a food drive for kids in Africa.  I volunteered to drive the food to Africa, so I might be gone a while.”

 

car

 

 

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Categories:Humor

42 thoughts on “21 Ways Catholics Break Up With Each Other

  1. Diana Hayden says:

    I agree with John… Some of them are really mean… Yet, let’s say this list is a guilty pleasure where it’s like Notre Dame- You don’t know if one should be laughing at this but you are! lol

  2. catman says:

    number 12 killed me

  3. John says:

    Wow, what a horribly insulting and heartless list of ways to end a relationship. “You’re just not Eduardo Verista…Vestigeri…that hot guy from Bella.” I thought “hot” was not an appropriate or dignified adjective to use to describe another person, oh wait, that’s just for women. Men can be objectified as much as catholic women want to objectify them apparently……

  4. Renee says:

    Fish breath every Friday in Lent is more than I can handle.

  5. steve says:

    Ha ha, “I’m done with you, and with your spirit.

  6. mpope says:

    there just isn’t a saint for causes as impossible as “us.”

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