40 Things You Should Give Up for Lent

 

These are just suggestions.  Don’t give up all forty things on this list.  Just pick one or two.  Or none.

Oh yeah, and there are a few that you should probably just give up forever.

 

1. Sweets.  And if you aren’t a “sweets person,” you aren’t a “human being with a soul.”

 

candy

 

 

2. Salt.  Let your family be the flavor in your life.

 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

 

3. Cream and sugar.  Black is the new lightish brown.

 

coffee

 

 

4.  Cupcakes.  Let’s be honest – you’re sick of them anyway.

 

cupcakes

 

 

5.  Shoes and socks.  This only makes sense if you live in cold weather and have hardwood floors.

 

feet on floor

 

 

6.  The Frozen soundtrack.  Maybe from now until Easter you can just…let it go?

  

let it go2

 

 

7.  Sports Center.  Yes, even for March Madness.  And speaking of that…

 

High Definition SportsCenter Graphic - 2004

 

 

8.  Your NCAA bracket.  Life will go on.

 

ncaa bracket

 

 

9.  All television.  All of it.  But remember, Sundays aren’t Lent – you still have Downton.

 

Downton Abbey

 

 

10.  Name brand whatever.  It will help you appreciate the small things in life.

 

generic tp

 

 

11.  Facebook.   Like!  Friend!  Poke! …Repent ye!

 

facebook

 

 

12.  Girl Scout Cookies.  That is, if you have any left.  Fatty.

 

cookies

 

 

13.  Twitter.  Focus on following Someone else for a few weeks.

 

twitter

 

 

14.  Your pillow.  Oh shut up, yes you can.

 

pillow

 

 

15.  Fast food.  Except for the sacred combo of breaded chicken, mayonnaise, and religious freedom.

 

chick-fil-a44

 

 

16.  Checking your email every five minutes.  Read a paragraph of Evangelii Gaudium instead.

 

pope laughing

 

 

17.  Meat.  If you’re a vegetarian, this one is weird.  But you’re already weird, so…

 

meat

 

 

18.  Hot showers.  But you know, get clean still.  Please.

 

horse

 

 

19.  Pizza.  This can be pretty easy, as long as you don’t see any pictures of pizza…

 

pizza

 

 

20.  Satire.  It’s just sooo not funny.

 

photo(2)

 

 

21.    Running from the police.  It never ends well, even in Ordinary Time.

 

police chase

 

 

22.  The car radio.  It’s okay to talk to yourself.

 

car radio5

 

 

23.  Talking to yourself.  On second thought, you probably have issues.

 

smeagol

 

 

24.  Mispronouncing easy words.  Ready?  Let’s practice…”real-tor.”  Not “real-a-tor.”

 

realtors

 

 

25.  Sarcasm.  Also not funny.

 

photo(5)

 

 

26.  Emoticons.  Feel free to give these up for the rest of your life.  Or at least my life.

 

emoticons

 

 

27.  The St. Patrick’s Day Parade.  Instead, stay home and watch a good movie.

 

quiet man

 

 

28.  Harpooning whales.  If you need this to make ends meet, don’t give it up for Lent.  But if it’s just a hobby…

 

whaling2

 

 

29.  Golf.  If it’s warm enough to play golf where you are, damn you you might consider giving it up.

 

amen_corner

 

 

30.  Your favorite private jet.  Damn you too.

 

With the worlds widest and tallest jet cabin, the Airbus ACJ319 is fit for a billionaire

 

 

31.  Petty divisiveness.  It’s just mean.

 

photo(4)

 

 

32.  Spurs.  Unless you need them for your job, in which case do you want to trade jobs?

 

spurs

 

 

33.  The snow blower.  Get that shovel out…there’s nothing so exhilarating as cardiac arrest.

 

snow

 

 

34.  Half an hour of sleep.  Set that alarm for 5:30…you’re a grumpy person anyway.

 

grumpy

 

 

35.  The closest parking spot.  Think of your long walk into Walmart as a miniature Appalachian Trail.

 

parking

 

 

36.  Doing taxidermy while intoxicated.  This is another good one to give up forever.

 

taxidermy

 

 

37.  Pleasure cruising at night through eel-infested waters.  Do you know what that sound is, your Highness?

 

eels

 

 

38.  Listening to the critics.  You know you’re a great artist, because you told you so.

 

photo(3)

 

 

39.  Your Monday morning breakfast.  Make the hardest morning a little harder and offer it up.

 

empty plate

 

 

40.  And your Friday night plans.  We adore you, O Christ, and we bless you…

 

Crucifixion1

 

 

 

 

 

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Categories:Culture Family Humor Prayer

83 thoughts on “40 Things You Should Give Up for Lent

  1. Laura says:

    Thanks for the laugh, John. I understand what you did here and I appreciate it. I don’t think the humor is misplaced. I think, overall, as a culture, Catholicism could benefit from more of it – God sure has it… just look around you :) And remember, folks, Lent is NOT just about giving things up, it’s about adding in the good and the service to others. John just made a bunch of us chortle – and it sure seems we all need it!

  2. Allan says:

    Ummm…. What the heck are you talking about, John?

  3. Kathy says:

    Haha , good fun! Laughter can help us all relate. We can give up being so serious that we bore others,ourselves and God!

  4. Uncle Mick says:

    Although most of this is humorous, yet thought-provoking, I was a tad dismayed by the language in items 29-31. As an educator I am daily reminded of the over-usage of foul language in our society. Even when it’s used in jest, it can be harmful. Those items are the only captions that are sadly keeping me from forwarding this to friends and family.

  5. Lori says:

    I found this article funny! I do take Lent seriously, but I think some light humor is good too! There is a good mix of serious and light in the article.

    1. ivy says:

      preach! that is so right! i am tired of people saying that lent is so serious.

  6. John says:

    Ummm….,perhaps what should be given up is the following: candy, liquor, fast foods, bigotry against those who don’t accept violating the First Amendment to the US Constitution, trying to force male misogyny down the throats of American females who don’t adhere to misogynist views of certain misogynist, female hating institutions, violence against said females, … and related vices of intolerant, misogynist, First Amendment-violating institutions.

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