A History Lesson: Guess Who Wins?

In the last few weeks of HHS influenced dead-horse beating and extended discussions on Women’s Health™, I consistently find myself coming back to the idea that President Obama and his administration really think they can take on the Catholics and win.

They are obviously trying to win at all costs.

After all, at Notre Dame the President of the United States LIED about respecting conscience.  Then he LIED about accommodating us Catholics (last time I had an accommodation like that was when I had my prostate checked).

"Now just try to relax...you might feel some discomfort."

The Church has a pretty good track record of outlasting other empires.  So, I thought it would be particularly helpful to review some of the different powerful groups that the Church has bested.

Way back in 476 A.D., the Roman Empire bit the dust.

Although he looks impressive, where are his successors?

Romulus Augustus lost control and had to run away, but the Church was still going strong under Pope St. Simplicius.

No one really know much about him, except that he won.

The Mayan Empire lasted somewhere around 3,540 years.  They were powerful and strong.

Until the Catholics showed up.

Nobody even knows this guy's name.

In 1540, the Mayan Empire ended but the successor of Peter, Pope Paul III, was still going strong.

He also had 4 kids, proving that even a sinful pope can outlast a plain-old political empire.

100 years ago, the last Chinese Emperor, Alsin-Gioro Puyi, was overthrown and that was the end of the Chinese Empire.

In retrospect, the commie shirt was a probably a bad fashion choice.

But the Church kept on rocking under the leadership of Pope St. Pius X.

He always looked tough. I bet he could beat you up.

The Ottoman Empire was one of those go-to answers I always used in high school.

“Who won the battle of blah-blah-blah? – The Ottoman Empire”

It was also a good one to just drop into an essay to show that you really knew world history.  Plus you could also try and sneak in a furniture joke or drop a Dick Van Dyke reference.

Unfortunately for the Ottomans, their empire went bye-bye in 1922 under Sultan Mehmed VI.

Sorry, Sultan. Pack your knives and go.

Meanwhile, the line of Fishermen was still going strong under Pope Pius XI.

I’m sensing a trend here and though I’ve probably made my point, I’m having too much fun.

"The Chair? Oh, we've had that for years. Do you like it?"

Remember the Nazis?  They were pretty big back-in-the-day.  Hitler’s Third Reich seemed to be everywhere.

But of course it didn’t last.  They were done in 1945.

The man who forever changed the history of facial hair. Not even Michael Jordan could make the "toothbrush" mustache cool again.

But the Catholics?

Oh yeah, they were still going strong with Venerable Pope Pius XII.

The Catholic Church invented bling.

The Soviet Union was pretty big in its day.  They had a pretty intense run from 1917, but then hit a brick wall in 1991 when they were officially dissolved under Mikhail Gorbachev.

"Ok, fine. I quit. Catholics win."

Of course, who can blame them when you’re up against this guy:

Defeated Communism in his spare time.

Okay, so that’s probably enough examples.

But just so you know, Wikipedia says that 145 “empires” have gone out of existence in the time since the Catholic Church was founded.  So, we’ve seen a lot of power build up and fade away.

Someone once told me that the reason the political left cannot stand the Catholic Church is that they simply cannot fathom how on earth we still exist.  We were supposed to have collapsed decades ago.

To them, our continued existence is beyond belief.  How does this tired, stupid, outdated myth continue to persist and even grow?  It makes no sense.

So when President Obama and his minions try to take on the Church, I say:

We will outlast you.  We will crush you.  And if you try to oppress us, you will just increase our numbers.  You cannot destroy us.  We will still be here long after you and your government have perished from this earth.

So bring it, Mr. President.

We eat guys like you for breakfast.

I know who wins.

Pope #265

Patrick Thornton has a real job (sort of).  He is likely now on some type of homeland security watch list and may not be able to travel internationally.  This is fine because he wasn’t really planning on going anywhere anyway.  If you’re reading this, feel free to wave to the FBI through your webcam.  The views expressed here may or may not be his own.  It depends who’s asking.


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  • jane

    looks like Georgetown will be closed down before Fluke gets her law degree!!

  • Rod

    I get the point of this post but from the President’s perspective it’s easy to see why he thinks he can win this one. Would the Church REALLY close all the Catholic hospitals and other institutions over this mandate? Would it REALLY do that? It’s hard to believe they’d actually go through with it. Even as I work for a Catholic hospital I pray it doesn’t come to that. But if the President insists upon this mandate and wins in November, I just don’t see how the Church can win this battle. Though, as you know, the war has already been won.

  • Suzanne

    CLASSIC! 😉

  • terrel bourgeois

    To some of the commenters, you are correct obviously; the Church is made up of humans. But the point made by Thornton is, and the point is that “The gates of hell will not prevail…..”.

  • paula

    Everytime I read the comments on here I want to become a Catholic moreI love god and I will serve only him .But i belive the Catholic Religon is the true religon .I want to convert to thr Catholic religon but I hear it is very hard; is this true

    • ATT

      No, it’s not hard at all! Just go to your local Catholic parish and talk to the priest. He will instruct you in the Faith and baptize you.

      Welcome home, and God bless you!

    • Rose

      While I wouldn’t put it quite like ATT did (seems to imply it’s an instant thing), I agree with his/her sentiment. The “process” of becoming Catholic is not difficult, RCIA (rite of Christian initiation for adults) classes culminating with either baptism or reception into the Catholic Church. I highly recommend visiting a local Catholic parish and speaking with the priest. It would be worth the time to study the Church so that, even if you decided not to become Catholic, you would know more truthfully what the Church teaches compared to the many misconceptions floating about.

  • Murray

    As the New Testament teaches that the church is the Body of Christ, I have to assume that President Obama considers the person of Jesus Christ his enemy. I also believe long after the United States has become a bankrupt third world socialist state, the Catholic church will still be plodding along down through history preaching the Gospel of Christ, feeding the hungary, clothing the naked and sheltering the homeless and treating the sick.

    • TLR

      Dan, you are absolutely right. Politics must find its way to the pulpit along with (and at times in place of) the Lenten messages. A Catholic “Tea Party” must be formed in every diocese, every parish and on every Catholic college/university campus. The only leader that we see of hear from is Cardinal Dolan. He needs to send his lieutenants “into the streets”. The MLK tactics of the 60’s can work again-they just need to be refined a bit. All faith-based communities should take the “quantum leap” into all forms of peaceful AND forceful public demonstration. This may be our last chance to preserve the country and its constitution.



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