Chick-fil-A and Gay Chicken?

I’m just back from a long vacation and apparently there’s this thing going on about Chick-fil-A.  Something about Chick-fil-A president, Dan Cathy, being opposed to same-sex marriage and Chicago politicians declaring those aren’t their values – mostly because they have no values.

"Have you ever even seen a value? I haven't."

It’s been commented on, analyzed, re-analyzed, ranted and beaten dead-horse style.  So of course, that’s kind of my cue to chime in.  While everyone else is writing deeply thoughtful commentaries on the weighty issues of the presidential election, I’m writing about gay chicken.  I know.  It’s shocking, right?

After hours of exhaustive research (you try googling “homosexuality in chickens”), I found what I was looking for at Wikipedia who quite conveniently has an entire entry titled “List of Birds Displaying Homosexual Behavior.”

This chicken might be a dude who is into other chicken dudes. Or maybe not. I can't tell.

After resisting the urge to track down the original author who must have felt that Wikipedia was simply not complete without a list of gay birds, I learned that “homosexual behavior is found amongst social birds and mammals.” So, I scanned the list of birds and sure enough, there it was: Chicken.

If there was a gaydar for chicken, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't need to use it on this one.

Following my keen journalistic instincts, I promptly emailed the public relations department at Chick-fil-A.  The email went something like this:

“Dear Chick-fil-A,

My name is Patrick Thornton and I like you and I blog about conservative things when I have time and I love your sandwiches.

Also, do you in any way screen your chickens to identify any chickens that may exhibit homosexual behavior?  If some chickens do exhibit such behavior, do you still serve them, or do you only serve straight chicken?

Please let me know.

Best Regards,

Patrick”

And guess what happened?

They never answered.

Which kind of stinks because I was really hoping to break the story and confirm officially that Chick-fil-A, in spite of the personal beliefs of their president and other executives, does not discriminate in the chicken they serve.

This Spicy Chicken Sandwich might have been gay, but it doesn't matter. It's still totally delicious.

Patrick Thornton has a real job (sort of).  He apologizes for the increasingly serious tone at the Catholic Vote blog, but he would like you to know that it’s mostly John White’s fault and not his.  He loves Chick-fil-A even though the first time he had one was 2012.  His standard order is one regular and one spicy.  He doesn’t order waffle fries, but he does steal them from his children.  The views expressed here may or may not be his own.  It depends who’s asking.

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4 thoughts on “Chick-fil-A and Gay Chicken?

  1. Greg says:

    Yes, there were some funny aspects to this article, but I have to say that there are some lines that might provide the exact kind of fodder the pro-gay marriage is looking for. I certainly enjoy a good laugh and I’m not an up-tight character, but this article seemed like the truth with only a minimal amount of love. The “gaydar” chicken caption and *ick Fil-A mention seemed to cross the line…

  2. Jeff Clark says:

    Hope you can check out this very positive, inspiring music GOP video

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAnQt9YB3As

  3. Sonya says:

    This was great! Thanks for the laughs, thanks for posting.

  4. Sean says:

    Rahm’s restaurant could even offer a fish sandwich. Rainbow trout, of course.

    I object to your claim that Chicago politicians do not care about values! 50s and 100s are values. Stuff a lot of them into an envelope and it adds up to Chicago values.

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