CV EXCLUSIVE: Pope Francis to Celebrate Clown Mass

THE VATICAN, April 1 — EXCLUSIVE to Catholic Vote, sources in the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments have revealed that Pope Francis and Pope Emeritus Benedict will concelebrate a “clown Mass” this coming Easter Sunday. In a surprise move, Cardinal Burke has been tapped to serve as the archdeacon for this special pontifical high Mass.

Pierrot and Harlequin (Mardi Gras) by Paul Cezanne, 1888

Pierrot and Harlequin (Mardi Gras) by Paul Cezanne, 1888

Unknown to even his closest advisors and contrary to earlier press accounts which had mistakenly assumed that Pope Francis was ministering to his flock under cover of darkness, the Supreme Pontiff has secretly been collecting pieces of brightly-colored cloth and oversized shoes while on his nightly adventures in the slums of Rome.

A bishop on an ad limina visit who wishes to remain anonymous out of filial obligation to the Pope told Catholic Vote that Francis was wearing a large flower during their meeting and when the bishop bowed to kiss the petrine ring, the Pope suddenly squirted him in the face and squeezed an old-fashioned car horn hidden under his watered-silk cassock.

When the bishop stepped back in surprise, Pope Francis chuckled and started performing a mime routine depicting the day’s Gospel reading. When asked what this was all about, Pope Francis replied, “I’m not clowning around! This is practice for this coming Easter Sunday.”

As of press time, Catholic Vote could not obtain independent confirmation, but there are rumors floating around the Domus Sanctae Marthae that Pope Francis has enlisted the help of Cirque du Soleil to erect a big top circus tent in St. Peter’s Square to mark the occasion.

5 thoughts on “CV EXCLUSIVE: Pope Francis to Celebrate Clown Mass

  1. ML says:

    Not really funny. Better we pray for our Holy Father. Try the following:
    Lord Jesus, please grant to our Holy Father the Pope the grace to preserve the truths of your teachings amidst a mindset demanding compliance to an ever changing perception of righteousness. May Your protection guide our Holy Father in his position of leadership which is not that of worldly dictatorship, power or popularity, but shepherd of a kingdom not confined to a particular time or space, as protector of the dogma of Faith which You entrusted to Peter and his successors. Grant him protection over the powers of darkness and from enemies both within and outside the Church, so the Church’s unmovable commitment to its basic teaching will remain the beacon by which our civilization can continue to orient itself in relation to the Truth. Offer 5 Our Fathers, Hail Marys and Glory Be’s in honor of the 5 wounds of Christ for the Holy Father.

  2. Janet O'Connor says:

    Actually the so called clown Mass is no laughing matter. Many parishes in Argentina have them, but ironically I see where a close advisor to Francis celebrated in Rome a couple of days ago the Extraordinary Form of the Mass. This seems to show he is not hostile to this kind of Mass.

  3. Panda Rosa says:

    Would Papa Francis dress as Pierrot, still in white? hee hee
    I figured this was for April Fools, but the thought of the Pope as an incognito clown amusing the children is worth a smile.

  4. Nick R. says:

    Thanks for the April Fool’s joke ladies and gents. I just about had a heart attack when I read the article headline.
    Touche’

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