CV Exclusive: Pope Francis to Modernize Church!

VATICAN CITY, April 1–A correspondent for Catholic Vote has just learned from a prominent cardinal in the Roman Curia that Pope Francis is scheduled to make a major announcement tonight regarding his forthcoming papal encyclical, Risibile Dominum, which will have profound impacts on the teachings of the Catholic Church.

Screen shot 2013-04-01 at 3.20.27 PMIncluded in the document is a complete reversal of the Church’s teaching on the ordination of women to the priesthood and even to the apostolic succession. In a deeply personal decision, Pope Francis will also reveal to the world that he plans to officiate the first gay wedding later this month.

When asked about these far reaching changes to long-held Church doctrine, the Vatican official who spoke with Catholic Vote on condition of strict anonymity in order not to pre-empt the Pope’s announcement said, “Pope Francis was elected with a mandate to bring the Church into the modern era, so these developments are only the beginning.”

10,829 views

Categories:Humor

12 thoughts on “CV Exclusive: Pope Francis to Modernize Church!

  1. JackB says:

    It ain’t funny. When I was an altar boy women weren’t even allowed on the altar. Now they are lectures and in some cases accolades. Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini of Milan said on his deathbed that the church was hundreds of years in the past. Who knows what might be possible for women? Given the recent and ongoing scandal that appears to include only men… women might make better priests.

  2. Tyson says:

    Nice. I bet this tricked a lot of people. People are on edge.

  3. Joseph says:

    I just now saw this. The headline had me going, but when I got to the part about women’s ordination I knew something wasn’t quite right about this article. Then I saw the date. Good one!

  4. Lilian says:

    I knew this was impossibility. However, I do agree with Beth Olmo. Many people are bearing heavy crosses for themselves and for others and don’t have the energy to think “Oh today is the 1st of April. What will come my way to be amused by.” Not sorry to say it is of bad taste.

  5. Madeline says:

    1st thought- “WHAT?’ 2nd- “Huh?” (looks at post date) “Oooooh.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

STAY CONNECTED


DON'T MISS A THING

Receive our updates via email.