Free Bacon!

Now that I have your attention…

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who was mad as hell.

His name’s Ruben.  He’s Jewish and lives on the north-side of Chicago.

He kind of looks like this:

Not really. I just like this picture.

Anyway, Ruben went to his favorite deli and ordered his usual, a corned beef sandwich and a potato pancake.  Everything was fine until the guy at the counter said, “by the way, your potato pancake comes with a side of bacon.  That’s why we had to raise the price.”

Bacon

Mmmm...bacon.

“Bacon? What? It never came with bacon before” responded Ruben.

“I don’t want bacon.  I don’t eat bacon.  I’m a Jew.  You know that.  What the hell?”

“Sorry, Ruben, everybody gets bacon.  Barry says so,” said the sandwich guy.

“Screw Barry! I’m not paying for any damn bacon.”  Ruben was getting really mad, “Tell Barry he can shove the bac-….nevermind….Look, just take the cost of the bacon off the bill.  The order is $9.78.  What’s the bacon cost anyway, $2?”

“Yeah, probably,” muttered the sandwich guy.

“Well, then take 2 bucks off ’cause I don’t want the bacon…and I’m not paying for it.”

“I really don’t…” started the sandwich guy.

Sandwich Guy

This is the best picture I could find when I googled "sandwich guy."

“Just do it!” yelled Ruben.

“Okay, okay, relax…I’ll ask Barry.”

Ruben was really steamed.  The line was getting long behind him.  He was hungry and he was starting to sweat while standing there by the counter.

The clerk came back and Ruben pulled out his wallet to pay the bill.

“Okay, the total comes to $9.78,” said the clerk.

“WHAT ABOUT THE DAMNED BACON?  TAKE THE BACON OFF MY BILL!  I DON’T EAT BACON!” screamed Ruben.

“But sir, Barry said the bacon is free.  It doesn’t cost you anything.  So, you have to take the bacon.”

“%#&$  you!” said Ruben and left his favorite deli for the last time.

Patrick Thornton has a real job (sort of) and does not have a friend named Ruben.  He does, however, like bacon very much.  He realizes that this story might not be a good comparison to certain current events, but he doesn’t care.  The views expressed here may or may not be his own.  It depends who’s asking.

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16 thoughts on “Free Bacon!

  1. Jim says:

    THIS PRESIDENT SPEAKS WITH A “FORKED TONGUE”. DURING HIS CAMPAIGN HE PROMISED TO VETO ANY BILL COMING TO HIM WITH “EARMARKS” tHE FIRST BILL HE SIGNED, WITHMUCH FANFARE HAD MANY EARMARKS. hE IS NOT TO BE TRUSTED, REMEMBER, WHEN COMMENTING ON HIS GRANDMOTHER’S HIP REPLACEMENT HE COMMENTED THAT THIS WAS PROBABLY NOT THE BEST USE OF MEDICARE FUNDS…WHY SHOULD WE BELIEVE ANYTHING HE SAYS, I HOPE CARDINAL = ELECT dOLAN & ALL BISHOPS CALL HIM ON THIS. HE WILL SAY WHATEVER HE THINKS IS NECESSARY TO BECOME RE-ELECTED AND SPEND THE COUNTRY INTO BANKRUPTCY.

  2. Howard says:

    Patrick, are you by any chance a sophomore in college? Because that’s about the only valid excuse I can come up with for someone using such a childish, petulant, and inaccurate analogy to frame this issue.

    1. Patrick Thornton says:

      Dear Howard,

      Thank you for your lavish praise!!!

      Are you in college? If so, where do you go? What’s your cell? Are you on Facebook? Can we be friends?

      OMG…talk soon!

      Your friend,
      Patrick

    2. toledo bill says:

      Howard, it is easy to dismiss a point by calling it and it’s author names – and offering nothing concrete in response. Perhaps during summer break pick up a rhetoric class or two.

  3. Br. David says:

    First: I totally agree with language on these posts. While the story seems great to illustrate a point, it most certainly can be done without explicatives, either fully written or with symbols.

    Second, having been through many a talk, debate, discussion, etc., trying to win the other side over with their own logic won’t work. As Catholics, and as Christians, we are opposed to abortion just simply because it is wrong. The unborn child, whether a tiny conglamorate of cells or as big as a fetus, it remains a child. This child is not something joyous and to be cherished because the father and/or mother WANT the child and nothing when they don’t. In both instances, the child is a child. That’s the heart of the matter.

    The point of just “hiding” the cost of these “services” was well explained above. And I think this bacon story makes a good point. As believers, we should not accept as good the plan these abortion-pushers have.

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