I do hope they exorcise the space before the next Mass.

WARNING: Talk of self-abusive sexual activity in this post.


Allegheny College in Meadville, Pennsylvania, affiliated with the United Methodist Church, has a chapel. Mass is offered there weekly for the Catholic students.

Recently it was the site of a seminar titled, “I Heart the Female Orgasm.”

They were not talking about a loving, committed, married couple who has great sex with regularity. No, they’re talking about masturbation.

That self-abusive act that takes the “other” out of sex and makes it a loveless, passionless, solipsistic entertainment.

The Pennsylvania liberal arts college’s Ford Memorial Chapel was transformed into a “boudoir of sorts” on Wednesday as sex educators Marshall Miller and Kate Weinberg advised students how to best touch themselves and others to reach orgasm, The College Fix reports.

The college’s chaplain, meanwhile, defended the event’s location, characterizing it as “responsible.” A campus spokesperson said the event offered a “great message,” according to The College Fix.

A great message? Dear Lord, spare us. Masturbation turns one in on oneself, makes others nothing more than objects of fantasy and denies their real personhood, turns one’s own sexuality into an object of pleasure rather than a gift to give to a spouse, coarsens one in real relationships, rejects the unitive nature of sex, and becomes addictive.

If you are Catholic you reject masturbation as a grave offense against the gift of sexuality (CCC 2352), one of the greatest gifts given us by God, to enflesh the union of the spouses in Holy Matrimony and bring forth new life.

(The New Catholic Encyclopedia has a great article on the Church’s understanding of masturbation, the considerations of full consent of will, critiques of the Church’s position, and more, for those who are seeing red.)

Allegheny College’s website boasts (I am not making this up),

Allegheny is a unique place where students embrace the College’s total educational experience.  Our students have the uncanny ability to create unusual combinations of interests and talents.  These varied combinations enhance our students’ success here and ensure excellence in their future careers.

I’m not entirely certain where a self-abuse seminar fits into that unless they’re training porn stars.

But an important question at this point is whether the local Catholic pastor will allow Mass to happen in that chapel until an exorcism happens. This sort of seminar involves so much deception and evil influence that the space, not a truly sacred space to begin with, has been defiled.

Heck work it in before Mass begins, use the Latin rite, and if anyone asks just say it’s a variation on the opening of Mass—an extended and special Asperges.

And make sure you’ve got one of these:

St. Benedict Medal Cross

The St. Benedict Medal. It has an exorcism prayer right on it, in the initials "V R S N S M V - S M Q L I V B," which signify a Latin phrase that translates to: "Begone Satan! Never tempt me with your vanities! What you offer me is evil. Drink the poison yourself"



54 thoughts on “I do hope they exorcise the space before the next Mass.

  1. Ann Roth says:

    Ewwww, I hope they wash it down with bleach too.

    1. abadilla says:

      I just reported the words to Mr. Peters. I’m sure the troll will be banned!

  2. Ken Johnson says:

    Does the Catholic Church actually believe that masturbation is self-abuse?

    1. Tom Crowe says:

      Yes. If you’re curious as to why, might I suggest you click the links that I provided.

      1. Ken Johnson says:

        Oh MY! Psychological studies have shown for many years that masturbation is natural and good; good for our bodies and good for our minds. It’s alarming to me that there are still people that believe otherwise. It’s this kind of thinking that causes children to become afraid of their bodies or to dislike their bodies or to be ashamed of their bodies and themselves. I’m shocked.

        1. Tom Crowe says:

          Really? Because there are psychological studies that show the opposite also! Weird! And psychological studies aren’t exactly the authoritative guide of morality and the ultimate meaning of who we are as enfleshed souls, children of God.

          1. tranxtian says:

            Please provide them. They don’t exist.

          2. Tom Crowe says:

            Oh, okay. Then why did you ask me to provide them?

          3. tranxtian says:

            It’s not really surprising that instead of providing the studies that you claim exist, that you resort to childish and ridiculous cut-downs instead. Your actions do great disservice to our faith.

          4. Ken Johnson says:

            Tom will post and say most anything to get a reaction. Accuracy is not one of his priorities.

          5. abadilla says:

            If accuracy is not Tom’s priority, how do you explain what the “Catechism of the Catholic Church” teaches in paragraph # 2352?
            BTW, I don’t give a rat’s ass if a million psychologists tell me masturbation is O.K., if the Church of Christ teaches me it isn’t, it isn’t!

          6. abadilla says:

            “Your actions do great disservice to our faith.”
            Which faith, the Catholic faith that says this about masturbation? “By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt [Tranxtian has doubts, calls herself a Catholic and contradicts the Catechism] and have firmly maintained [not “Catholic” Tranxtian] that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action. The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose….” CCC #2352
            Now Tranxtian, you and Greg B, and Ken and whoever comes into this forum may disagree with the moral teaching of the Church until all of you are blue in the face, but to disagree with Tom when he is simply echoing the Church’s moral teaching on this issue at the same time that some of you are creating confusion among Catholics and calling yourself a Catholic, is beyond the pale, to say the least.

          7. Ken Johnson says:

            I hope the new Pope brings the Church into the present before more children are taught to be ashamed of themselves and their bodies. It’s these kind of teachings that create people who hate people.

          8. Tom Crowe says:

            You don’t know anything, do you?

          9. Ken Johnson says:

            I know a bit. I know the results of this thinking of yours from the dark ages has created people who hate themselves and who do horrible things to others. Causing children to be ashamed of themselves and ashamed of their own bodily functions is so inhuman. I hope you’ll take the time to read up on this subject and perhaps then you’ll think differently and I sure hope not all Catholics agree with your beliefs.

          10. Tom Crowe says:

            Erm… I have. And I know your malarkey is the real inhuman message.

          11. Ken Johnson says:

            Can you show the links to the psychological studies that you mention that have been done that show that masturbation is bad?

          12. abadilla says:

            You forgot Tom also wrote this,
            “And psychological studies aren’t exactly the authoritative guide of morality and the ultimate meaning of who we are as enfleshed souls, children of God.”
            Tom is writing about the authoritative moral voice of the Church. That’s what we as Catholics aare supposed to listen to, not just psychologists.

          13. abadilla says:

            Oh yes, those horrible dark ages when we built incredible cathedrals, when Dante wrote the Inferno, when Albert the Great taught the great Thomas Aquinas. Is that the Dark Ages you are writing about?
            What about what the Holy Scriptures teach us? “Do you not know you are the Temple of the Holy Spirit?” Isn’t that temple sacred? If so, can self-manipulation which has nothing to do with self-given but selfishness, can that be a sacred act?
            Now, I am certain many Catholics embrace that practice because they pay more attention to what this pagan culture tells them is O.K. than what the Church of Christ teaches them, but that is not what our Church has taught for centuries nor will it ever teach otherwise unless it wants to preach a Gospel that is not Christ’s
            Should the Church begin to teach people they don’t have to respect their bodies?

          14. abadilla says:

            Really Ken, are you not saying the Church has to conform to the world rather than the other way around? Either the Church is “a sign of contradiction” like her Founder or it is part of a pagan culture that uncritically accepts just about anything. Obviously you already made your choice. Can you respect the choice of others?
            Ken, while a person self-manipulates, are you telling me that a person can keep purity of mind? If so, you are delusional!

          15. Ken Johnson says:

            I’m not saying the Church has to conform to anything. I’m relaying my views on this subject which don’t agree with Church doctrine. I believe that the many studies that have been done confirm that masturbation is normal and positive and that teaching children and teenagers to be ashamed of their bodies can lead to very negative behavior and very low self-esteem. I’m not looking for approval or agreement. I’m simply stating my views. I don’t know why you continually go into attack mode each time someone shares a view counter to yours. If you’re confident that you’re right, I would think you would be more at ease.

          16. abadilla says:

            And I respect the fact that you don’t share with us the teachings of our Church. Now, we are not making psychological judgments as to whether masturbation is normal or not. That’s out of our competency. We are judging, and by “we” we mean the Church, whether the act we have described is moral or not and the Church has concluded that indeed, it is not, it does not enhance one’s spirituality nor does it do anything for mature growth.
            When Tom wrote about this subject, he knew what the teaching of the Catholic Church is on it, but that teaching needs a broader context, a context you seem unwilling to understand, not necessarily embrace.

          17. abadilla says:

            What makes you think that teaching a young Catholic to respect the integrity of his /her body because it is the Temple of the Holy Spirt, is the same as teaching them to be ashamed of themselves and their bodies?

          18. Greg B. says:

            It’s amazing to read someone under the age of 100 seriously referring to
            masturbation as “self-abuse”.

          19. Tom Crowe says:

            Only to a certain set.

          20. abadilla says:

            What is amazing is that you call yourself a Catholic at the same time that you ignore church moral teaching and the scriptures on this subject. Go right ahead Chris, and embrace the culture, but don’t pretend to tell us you are a faithful Catholic.

          21. chris scanlan says:


          22. abadilla says:

            How am I wrong? Should I not “capitalize” proper names?

        2. abadilla says:

          Oh My! I didn’t know sinful behavior is now natural and good.

      2. Origami_Isopod says:

        Fucking small children? That’s ok tho.

        1. Tom Crowe says:

          Shock value for the win!

        2. abadilla says:

          Nice response. Only a bit more intellectually stimulating than Tranxtian’s!
          Do you have any arguments at all before you are banned from this blog?

        3. Rev. Mark Goodman says:

          Descriptive language, I would’ve expected better on CV, but I guess trolls find their way into every website nowadays.

          1. abadilla says:

            I guess this comment was missed but I’m sure you see several comments where it says, “this comment was deleted.” I already reported the offensive words and the troll that made them.
            Reverend, it infuriates me when I see how low some folks will sink into because they don’t have an argument to post or even the proper vocabulary to express themselves.

  3. tranxtian says:

    This is a Methodist church. Are you saying because this church is gracious enough to allow a catholic mass to be held in their building that they must only teach the parts of their religion that are in conformance with our church? That’s ridiculous.

    These gracious folks extended hospitality to our church and you come on here and admonish them? Burn some more bridges. It’s no wonder that people view the Catholic Church as intolerant and hateful. You seem to be intent on butting into everyone else’s lives and determining their beliefs and their religion for them.

    1. Tom Crowe says:

      You knock down those straw men!!

      1. tranxtian says:

        I guess I didn’t realize this article was a parody.

        1. Tom Crowe says:

          Good thing, too, because its not!

    2. abadilla says:

      ” It’s no wonder that people view the Catholic Church as intolerant and hateful.”
      Gee, aren’t you the same person who just wrote to me that you are a Catholic?

  4. chris scanlan says:

    This is a great line and one not spoken on enough: “If you are Catholic you reject masturbation as a grave offense against the gift of sexuality (CCC 2352), one of the greatest gifts given us by God, to enflesh the union of the spouses in Holy Matrimony and bring forth new life.”
    Well done as always Tom.

  5. Jeffrey Lyons says:

    Thanks for sharing your opinion Tom. I’m too flabbergasted to add anything else.

    1. Tom Crowe says:

      I know, isn’t the situation just ludicrous?

  6. […] of a seminar titled, “I Heart the Female Orgasm.” They were not talking about a loving, Source: Catholic Vote   Category: Blogs and […]

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