Media Working Overtime Getting Ready to Ignore the March for Life

As hundreds of thousands of pro-life Americans prepare to take part in the annual March for Life in Washington, D.C., mainstream media outlets across the country are diligently making their own preparations to not cover the event.  However, anticipated record crowds are making an already difficult job for the media even more of a struggle.

“It’s harder than you think to ignore half a million people on the Mall,” explained CNN producer Shank Wiggle, who has assigned a prime crew as well as a back-up team to ignore the March for Life.  “This year marks the 40th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision, so there’s an added significance this year that we’ll have to pretend doesn’t exist.”

Echoing the same sentiments, CBS Washington bureau production manager Tina Flippit expressed her concern that the networks may not have everything in place in time to ignore such a large event.  “People talk all the time as though the media controls the news,” remarked Flippit.  “Well, we try, but it’s not always that easy.  Try making an ocean of people disappear.  The only thing more difficult than reporting 500,000 people walking down the street is not reporting 500,000 people walking down the street.”

Some are even predicting that the crowds for the March for Life could be larger than the crowd for President Obama’s inauguration, which takes place earlier in the week and will be plastered all over the mainstream networks and print media.  Nonetheless, sources within the major outlets are confident that they will be able to provide zero coverage of the March for Life.  As NBC political correspondent Everett Weener put it, “Event organizers are anticipating record-size crowds for the March for Life, which will NOT take place on January 25 in Washington D.C.”

Other mainstream media networks plan to divert attention from the March for Life by saturating their TV schedules with new programs that they hope will draw viewers away from any renegade outlets or online media sources that may insist on covering events that happen, such as the March for Life.  “We have a whole line-up of new shows that viewers won’t be able to pass up,” gushed ABC marketing spokesperson Gayle Whaley.  “Some of our smash new programs that will be airing later this month when nothing is happening in Washington D.C. include the NCAA Division II Pole Vaulting Championships, an exciting new cooking show called ‘High Steaks’ about hot new trends in mountain goat cuisine, and then there’s my favorite – a ‘Downton Abbey’-inspired drama called ‘Remains of the Day: 90210.’  Whose gonna skip that?”

Perhaps the most telling reaction came from G. Willy Nitz, managing editor of the current events desk at The New York Times:  “March for what?  March for life?  I’ve never heard of it…and neither have you.  Look!  A pterodactyl!!!”

Disclaimer:  The individuals and quotes mentioned in this article are obviously totally fake, so if you’re an over-zealous Lefty law student with no life thinking about taking your frustration out on Catholic Vote, just relax.



  • Magdalene Prodigal

    Please know that Denver is organizing a Mid-America March for Life on January 20th–at the state capitol. Be there!

  • Debbie Furtado

    Praying that finally in January 2013 there will some accurate, credible and kind coverage by the secular media. You may disagree with what I believe but I am a person deserving to express my thoughts and opinions about the evil of abortion without being ignored, ridiculed or misinterpreted by the secular media groups.

  • Susan Jungerheld Abel

    Kidding aside, I think it’s worth our time and effort to, in effect, make it VERY easy to report the March for Life, or at least have something significant to say in the 10 second coverage they may give. Send e-mails to the producers. Send them photos, press releases, sound bites, links to those we know who would be ready with a statement. Make it “too easy.” I’m not naive. I know they avoid the March like the plague. But the teensy bit they do cover can be helped, I think.

    This has been on my mind since the day many years ago that John Paul II was in Washington, D.C. and our fairly conservative radio station was joking about “Pope soap on a rope.” They CLEARLY had no other news in their hands.

    We can try. I don’t think it’s a futile effort. It can be like a prayer.

  • chris scanlan

    I love that you’ve written this like an article from the Onion. In fact, I’ll go as far as to say their satire articles seem more believable than the current media situation around this march. If only the major news outlets realized how absurd and outlandish they are being right now.

    My prayers are with the organizers of the March! Let’s have a great one!

  • Jason Phillips

    You, sir, are hilarious. +1 internets.

  • ron9598

    The good news is, the main street media has never been less relevant or important. Great pictures and video are easy to get and share repeatedly thru social media, blogs and other websites. Share, share, share!! As that happens, the lack of coverage by MSM will highlight them as the hacks they are.



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