Media Working Overtime Getting Ready to Ignore the March for Life

As hundreds of thousands of pro-life Americans prepare to take part in the annual March for Life in Washington, D.C., mainstream media outlets across the country are diligently making their own preparations to not cover the event.  However, anticipated record crowds are making an already difficult job for the media even more of a struggle.

“It’s harder than you think to ignore half a million people on the Mall,” explained CNN producer Shank Wiggle, who has assigned a prime crew as well as a back-up team to ignore the March for Life.  “This year marks the 40th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision, so there’s an added significance this year that we’ll have to pretend doesn’t exist.”

Echoing the same sentiments, CBS Washington bureau production manager Tina Flippit expressed her concern that the networks may not have everything in place in time to ignore such a large event.  “People talk all the time as though the media controls the news,” remarked Flippit.  “Well, we try, but it’s not always that easy.  Try making an ocean of people disappear.  The only thing more difficult than reporting 500,000 people walking down the street is not reporting 500,000 people walking down the street.”

Some are even predicting that the crowds for the March for Life could be larger than the crowd for President Obama’s inauguration, which takes place earlier in the week and will be plastered all over the mainstream networks and print media.  Nonetheless, sources within the major outlets are confident that they will be able to provide zero coverage of the March for Life.  As NBC political correspondent Everett Weener put it, “Event organizers are anticipating record-size crowds for the March for Life, which will NOT take place on January 25 in Washington D.C.”

Other mainstream media networks plan to divert attention from the March for Life by saturating their TV schedules with new programs that they hope will draw viewers away from any renegade outlets or online media sources that may insist on covering events that happen, such as the March for Life.  “We have a whole line-up of new shows that viewers won’t be able to pass up,” gushed ABC marketing spokesperson Gayle Whaley.  “Some of our smash new programs that will be airing later this month when nothing is happening in Washington D.C. include the NCAA Division II Pole Vaulting Championships, an exciting new cooking show called ‘High Steaks’ about hot new trends in mountain goat cuisine, and then there’s my favorite – a ‘Downton Abbey’-inspired drama called ‘Remains of the Day: 90210.’  Whose gonna skip that?”

Perhaps the most telling reaction came from G. Willy Nitz, managing editor of the current events desk at The New York Times:  “March for what?  March for life?  I’ve never heard of it…and neither have you.  Look!  A pterodactyl!!!”

Disclaimer:  The individuals and quotes mentioned in this article are obviously totally fake, so if you’re an over-zealous Lefty law student with no life thinking about taking your frustration out on Catholic Vote, just relax.



  • Bill A.

    The Media does not give significant coverage to the March for Life because it is not news. It is the same people, the same signs, the same rhetoric, and the same speeches for forty years. Limited resources cannot be spent on reporting on nothing new. It is not an agenda or a conspiracy to silence your message. So keep walking but stop bemoaning that the Media is not paying attention.

  • abadilla

    “But the reason isn’t agenda driven.”
    I beg to differ, the silence of the media is agenda driven because the media, for the most part is “pro choice” because they don’t want to admit the choice is the destruction of an innocent human life.

    ” it’s the integrity of the prime time media industry that requires silence.”
    They have no integrity. If they did, they would be resporting on Benghazi, Fast and Furious, the HH Mandate, the so called Middle East “spring” that has turned into Winter, the 47 million people on food stamps, the 23 million who can’t find a job, and the list goes on and on. It’s simple, they don’t report about the “March for Life” because they are firmly on the side of the “culture of death, ” although they would never phrase it this way precisely because they have no integrity and the truth they have made into just one more opinion, moral relativism.
    The pro-choicers are very few in the March for Life and they are an afront to what we defend, the life of the unborn. Certainly, if the March were Pro-Choice, I would never be a part of it, but that’s because many of us have class.



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