Memo to the Vatican: Save the Doves!

As if we needed any more proof that it’s time to end the silly practice of releasing doves as a symbol of promoting peace, two more poor birds were subjected to a violent assault this weekend in St. Peter’s Square.

The event terrified and needlessly traumatized thousands of innocent children who witnessed it take place.

Let’s recap what happened.

It started off like this:

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 7.41.42 PM

Okay, so far so good.

Everyone is expecting this:

When doves fly

Or maybe this:


Or, at the very least, this:


Instead we get this:

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 7.42.02 PM

…why does that crow have its mouth open?

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 7.42.20 PM

Oh good heavens! This doesn’t look good at all!

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 7.42.36 PM

This is downright terrifying. Oh, the humanity! What have we done?!

If the doves managed to escape, they’re missing some feathers.

It’s probably a merciful thing that doves can’t scream, otherwise I think we could all imagine the soundtrack that would’ve accompanied this little shop of horrors.

But this isn’t the first time this has happened.

A couple years ago a dove released by Pope Benedict was attacking the exact same fashion:

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 7.56.49 PM

You can watch a video of the terrified animal trying to flee if you wish:

The news must have spread in the avian community, because the next time around, the doves actually refused to leave the papal apartment and can be seen in this video desperately flying back into the papal residence to avoid being eaten!

So basically, if you have a pair of wings, this is the most terrifying sight in the world:

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 8.15.45 PM

Look, releasing a pair of doves doesn’t promote peace in the Ukraine.

It’s more like ringing the dinner bell.

Praying for peace actually promotes peace.

So let’s save some doves and let’s stop traumatizing the kids:

No more!!!


Categories:American Papist Humor Uncategorized Vatican

  • beep

    Since when is is the release of doves from a vatican window or indeed any window, anything but a pretty but meaningless circus show? Comparing it to Noah’s act of releasing a dove is absurd especially since the doves were cannibalised!

    It reminds one of the photo-opportunity a political candidate will arrange as he canvasses for votes.. He kisses a baby and it makes for a cute picture to impress the gullible. But In this case the “baby” didn’t play along.. Next time for heaven’s sake (and the doves ‘”)use balloons.



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