Memo to the Vatican: Save the Doves!

As if we needed any more proof that it’s time to end the silly practice of releasing doves as a symbol of promoting peace, two more poor birds were subjected to a violent assault this weekend in St. Peter’s Square.

The event terrified and needlessly traumatized thousands of innocent children who witnessed it take place.

Let’s recap what happened.

It started off like this:

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 7.41.42 PM

Okay, so far so good.

Everyone is expecting this:

When doves fly

Or maybe this:

doves1

Or, at the very least, this:

doves3

Instead we get this:

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 7.42.02 PM

…why does that crow have its mouth open?

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 7.42.20 PM

Oh good heavens! This doesn’t look good at all!

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This is downright terrifying. Oh, the humanity! What have we done?!

If the doves managed to escape, they’re missing some feathers.

It’s probably a merciful thing that doves can’t scream, otherwise I think we could all imagine the soundtrack that would’ve accompanied this little shop of horrors.

But this isn’t the first time this has happened.

A couple years ago a dove released by Pope Benedict was attacking the exact same fashion:

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 7.56.49 PM

You can watch a video of the terrified animal trying to flee if you wish:

The news must have spread in the avian community, because the next time around, the doves actually refused to leave the papal apartment and can be seen in this video desperately flying back into the papal residence to avoid being eaten!

So basically, if you have a pair of wings, this is the most terrifying sight in the world:

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 8.15.45 PM

Look, releasing a pair of doves doesn’t promote peace in the Ukraine.

It’s more like ringing the dinner bell.

Praying for peace actually promotes peace.

So let’s save some doves and let’s stop traumatizing the kids:

No more!!!

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Categories:American Papist Humor Uncategorized Vatican

7 thoughts on “Memo to the Vatican: Save the Doves!

  1. ML says:

    Perhaps it’s simply a sign from God that our world is not at peace. With all the broken homes, attacks on the institution of marriage itself, attacks on human life through contraception and abortion and various conflicts throughout the world, we can’t hope for peace at this time. But the fact that the birds survived suggests victory in the end. Keep praying and offering acts of reparation.

  2. Judy says:

    this is just nature – animals and birds prey on other animals and birds. Gees – why don’t we just boycot mother nature?

  3. Caro says:

    Maybe it is just a sign of the times.

  4. John Fox says:

    the FB page links to the article at patheos.com. That’s not exactly a Catholic website.

  5. Arthur Knowlton says:

    okay its Monday morning and my sarcasm detection monitor is a bit wonky. But as I see it this post can be taken two ways…a hyperbolic statement to emphasize why the doves should still be released or rather an appeal to truly end the practice. If the former then I have no comment if the latter alternative then read on….
    Do we stop doing something because the end result doesn’t always meet our expectations?
    Do we stop being Christians because we are mocked, defiled and even martyred for our faith and belief? Did the early missionaries stop preaching because it was a career path that led more often than not to death? Of course not. Releasing the doves is a symbolic act that illustrates our hope…..as Noah did not relent in sending forth the dove neither should we relent in the symbolic gesture. And truly men of faith will pray to stem the tide of darkness sending forth the dove is not a substitution but rather a hope for the miracle of peace….if the doves flew off peacefully this would barely qualify as a news blurb…..but the intercession of the crow and seagull actually serve as a lesson…..peace is forever under assault. Most of the news reports left out a significantly important factoid, despite the vicious attacks the doves survived and that is the lesson that should be learned here……

    1. Eric Johnson says:

      Or maybe it’s just birds being birds.

  6. Emily says:

    While I do agree that it’s sad to watch the doves being attacked by the crow and the gull, I totally disagree that it’s a silly practice that should be ended. It’s a beautiful symbol of peace and I hope they continue doing it. The Popes have done this many, many times, and only twice have the doves been attacked in this way.

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