Seattle school renames Easter eggs ‘Spring Spheres’

Did a double take — am I reading The Onion?

Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up.

“At the end of the week I had an idea to fill little plastic eggs with treats and jelly beans and other candy, but I was kind of unsure how the teacher would feel about that,” Jessica said.

She was concerned how the teacher might react to the eggs after of a meeting earlier in the week where she learned about “their abstract behavior rules.”

“I went to the teacher to get her approval and she wanted to ask the administration to see if it was okay,” Jessica explained.”She said that I could do it as long as I called this treat ‘spring spheres.’ I couldn’t call them Easter eggs.”

Rather than question the decision, Jessica opted to “roll with it.” But the third graders had other ideas.

“When I took them out of the bag, the teacher said, ‘Oh look, spring spheres’ and all the kids were like ‘Wow, Easter eggs.’ So they knew,” Jessica said.

Those darn kids. They knew!

And golly, who knew that the term “egg” was also a back door attempt at religious indoctrination?  Spring eggs?  No!  I declare — Spring Spheres!

Must be in the Manual of ‘Abstract Behavior Rules.’



  • Matt

    I hate to be the voice of reason here, but…eggs are not spheres. I hate it when elementary educators do not understand simple geometry! No wonder our children graduate as idiots!

    Also, I’d be THRILLED if Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny got called “The Jolly Fat Winter Man” and “The Spring Rabbit” Then, perhaps, we could talk about the importance of Christmas and Easter and not be bogged down with this consumerist, secularist silliness.

    Seriously, though, it makes sense. If they’re afraid of the word Christmas, I’m sure they’ll soon be striving to avoid the word Easter.

  • DianaBetty

    My nephew’s non-denominational Christian school replaced St. Patrick’s Day with “Green Day” this year. It was heartbreaking.

    • Brian C

      I wonder what kind of Jaded Basket Case made that decision. Probably some American Idiot who declared himself Jesus of Suburbia and, worried about offending the Minority population, is helping lead us all down a Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Good Riddance.

  • Scott W.

    Well, I’ve tried to get them to change Independence Day to Celebration-of-a-bunch-Enligntenment-blowhard-white-slave-owning-males-that-didn’t-want-to-pay-taxes Day, but they haven’t returned my phone calls. :)

  • Joe

    What kind of school calls an ovoid a sphere? Really they should fire the geomery teacher for that faux pas.

    I would have accepted ellipsoid, although that is not completely accurate. Although the term egg-shaped usually implies a lack of reflection symmetry across the equatorial plane, it may also refer to true prolate ellipsoids.

    What are they teaching our children these days?!?!

    • Everett

      I’m glad to see all the comments regarding this, as it was my first thought as well. Spheres and ovoids are two completely different things.

  • Maureen

    Mmm, eggs are not spheres. They’re ovoids. What do they teach in these schools these days anyway?

  • Laura

    “so they knew”, knew what? that they weren’t “spring spheres” duh! They should’ve called them “seasonal rotated-circumferences”



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