Last night, as the Iowa caucuses were underway, Republican candidate Donald Trump showed up at St. Francis of Assisi Catholic Church in Des Moines.
The following may or may not have been overheard during Mr. Trump’s visit.
1. “I like Francis of Assisi because like me he went against the establishment. Terrible name though, sounds like a sissy. Awful name.”
2. “I grew up Catholic. I made my One Communion in a church just like this.”
3. “The Holy Trinity…is that like a triad?”
4. “I like people that weren’t crucified, okay?”
5. “Besides, if I sent someone to do a job and they got themselves killed, they would get fired immediately.”
6. “This is a very ugly church building, inside and out. I’m gonna build a new church and I’m gonna make God pay for it.”
7. “Most of these saints you have here were losers who were very poor and unsuccessful. I don’t pray to them. They should pray to me.”
8. “Tabernacle in the center…great location, great location.”
9. “When I’m president we’re going to monitor these confessionals and create a national database. Because ISIS. And China. Mexicans too.”
10. “You’re all very, very stupid. Amen.”
[Needless to say, this is parody]