The Dog With Nine Lives


It has always been said that dogs go to heaven

But sadly for cats there is no dispensation.

We must recognize then there is a solution

Which upholds dignity for kitten attraction.

Don’t think this is an idle game or just mere levity.

It’s a serious question of feline equality!


If we simply could call a cat a dog, you see

Then the problem would be solved almost instantly.

Never mind this hasn’t ever been done before,

Linnaeus must‘ve been mistaken on that score.

The two creatures have more than a few similarities!

Who are we to say they aren’t both one and the same species?


A Cat (Felis catus)

A Cat (Felis catus)


A cat and a dog each has four legs, teeth, and claws,

A tail, wet nose, two eyes, and whiskers, fur, and paws.

Their common names even have three letters to boot;

So any difference between them might as well be moot.

They are both kept as family pets equally dear and loved

So why should they not both be equally blessed above?


There are dog lovers who will question this project

But dogs are still dogs so there’s no cause to object.

It’s only because they’re afraid of something new;

They’ll say that a dog doesn’t hiss or purr or mew

And cats have nine lives, use litter, and eat so daintily

While dogs slobber and howl and chase the poor cats up a tree.


A Dog (Canis lupus familiaris)

A Dog (Canis lupus familiaris)


Don’t you listen to them if you want to go far!

Don’t you know that cats should be loved for what they are?

You shouldn’t question how they talk or what they ate.

If you can’t accept it, you’re full of bile and hate.

We’ve shown that a cat is so much more like a dog you see

And you’re just a nasty bigot should you dare disagree.


A cat is a dog so don’t go throwing a fit.

Both are the same now, you better get over it.

Future generations will shout with joy and glee

That you joined us on the right side of history.

All cats can go to heaven now and it’s easy as pie:

We just have to keep telling and believing the same lie!


The views expressed here are those of the author, and do not necessarily represent the views of


About Author

Joshua Bowman joined in full communion with the Catholic Church in 2010 after many years in the spiritual wilderness. He recently moved back to his beloved native Virginia from Columbus, Ohio with his growing family and writes on religion, politics, history, and geographical curiosities.

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