Vatican Signs $30 Billion Endorsement Deal with Taco Bell

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ROME — Sources inside the Catholic Church have confirmed that in exchange for cash and stock options totaling $30 billion, Vatican City has granted Taco Bell exclusive sponsorship rights over all activities, buildings, and personnel connected with the Holy See.

Despite being the first time in history that a corporation will own sponsorship rights over a sovereign state, the Vatican was adamant that the deal would not change day-to-day operation of the Church, nor would it alter her fundamental mission.

“The only differences will be aesthetic,” explained Cardinal Giacomo Tortellini, one of the chief architects of the deal on the Vatican side.  “The two biggest changes are that the official name of Vatican City is now the Think Outside The Bun Vatican City State, and that Pope Francis will be endorsing the latest Taco Bell menu items in his weekly Angelus talks.  Other than that, it’s pretty much status quo.  Live más!”

 

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John White lives in the Chicago area with his wife and seven children.

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