I’m just back from a long vacation and apparently there’s this thing going on about Chick-fil-A. Something about Chick-fil-A president, Dan Cathy, being opposed to same-sex marriage and Chicago politicians declaring those aren’t their values – mostly because they have no values.
It’s been commented on, analyzed, re-analyzed, ranted and beaten dead-horse style. So of course, that’s kind of my cue to chime in. While everyone else is writing deeply thoughtful commentaries on the weighty issues of the presidential election, I’m writing about gay chicken. I know. It’s shocking, right?
After hours of exhaustive research (you try googling “homosexuality in chickens”), I found what I was looking for at Wikipedia who quite conveniently has an entire entry titled “List of Birds Displaying Homosexual Behavior.”
After resisting the urge to track down the original author who must have felt that Wikipedia was simply not complete without a list of gay birds, I learned that “homosexual behavior is found amongst social birds and mammals.” So, I scanned the list of birds and sure enough, there it was: Chicken.
Following my keen journalistic instincts, I promptly emailed the public relations department at Chick-fil-A. The email went something like this:
My name is Patrick Thornton and I like you and I blog about conservative things when I have time and I love your sandwiches.
Also, do you in any way screen your chickens to identify any chickens that may exhibit homosexual behavior? If some chickens do exhibit such behavior, do you still serve them, or do you only serve straight chicken?
Please let me know.
And guess what happened?
They never answered.
Which kind of stinks because I was really hoping to break the story and confirm officially that Chick-fil-A, in spite of the personal beliefs of their president and other executives, does not discriminate in the chicken they serve.
Patrick Thornton has a real job (sort of). He apologizes for the increasingly serious tone at the Catholic Vote blog, but he would like you to know that it’s mostly John White’s fault and not his. He loves Chick-fil-A even though the first time he had one was 2012. His standard order is one regular and one spicy. He doesn’t order waffle fries, but he does steal them from his children. The views expressed here may or may not be his own. It depends who’s asking.