Feminists Hate Men but Tell Women to Act Like Them


Modern feminism often paints men as tools of the patriarchy who use their power and privilege to oppress women—so why do feminists tell women to be more like men?

If you’ve ever taken a gender studies course or read up on feminist literature, you may have encountered the term “toxic masculinity.” It refers to traditionally masculine behavioral traits that can become “toxic” or “problematic” if left unchecked—such as dominance, competitiveness, or sexual aggressiveness.

Yet in their quest for equality, feminists have decided that women should embrace some of the very behaviors that they often refer to as “toxic.”

The sexual revolution in the 1960s, plus the introduction of the birth control pill, encouraged women to explore their own sexuality. Third wave feminism took it a step further, attacking terms like “slut” and “whore” because they were meant to shame women who slept around. Feminists pointed to a double standard: men are applauded for having numerous sexual partners and avoiding long-term relationships, while women are shamed when they do the same.

It’s an accurate point, but it led to the implication that women should be having sex more like men. Women’s empowerment became inextricably tied to sexuality and their ability to use men for their own pleasure—the same thing they criticized men for doing to women.

Now young men and women are caught in a “hookup culture” where romantic relationships beyond sex are fleeting. Women are often left feeling empty and used by such experiences because they’re not nearly as fulfilling or “empowering” as feminists make them out to be—one might even call them “toxic.”

Take the case of a young woman’s encounter with Aziz Ansari. “Grace” was thrilled to be going on a date with the famous comedian and seemed hopeful that the two might hit it off. Instead, the pair ended up engaging in an unpleasant hookup, wherein “Grace” seemed unwilling to clearly express her discomfort to Ansari because she really wanted him to like her.

It turns out a lot of women don’t enjoy engaging in hookup culture, but they feel obligated to do so. Why do they feel obligated? Because feminism tells them that sexual liberation is a core part of female agency. Men face similar social pressures to drive hookup culture, because it is seen as “masculine” to sleep around with a bunch of women.

The emotionless one-night stands aren’t exactly healthy for either party, so one has to wonder why feminists decided women would be better off if they could just care less, like men seemed to do.

The best way to make sure that both men and women are respected and engaging in healthy, fulfilling relationships is actually to care more.

The views expressed here are those of the author, and do not necessarily represent the views of CatholicVote.org


About Author


Amber Athey covers media and breaking news for The Daily Caller and is a columnist for CatholicVote.org. Prior to joining TheDC, Amber reported on instances of liberal bias and abuse for Campus Reform and was a member of the 2016-17 Koch Associate Program. She received a Bachelor's Degree in Government and Economics from Georgetown University in 2016. While in school, Amber chaired the GU College Republicans and the Club Field Hockey team. Follow her on Twitter @amber_athey.


  1. It’s really disappointing to see how this site takes an alleged sexual assault or harassment and spins it so that it somehow is the fault of feminism and not the person who allegedly committed the assault. Maybe feminism is really bad, I don’t know and I don’t particularly feel strongly one way or the other about the subject. I do feel strongly about appropriating someone’s traumatic experience in a way that is not true.
    “Instead, the pair ended up engaging in an unpleasant hookup, wherein ‘Grace’ seemed unwilling to clearly express her discomfort to Ansari because she really wanted him to like her.”
    That statement is blatantly false. According to the alleged victim:
    “I said something like, ‘Whoa, let’s relax for a sec, let’s chill.’”
    “He really kept doing it after I moved it away.”
    “But the main thing was that he wouldn’t let her move away from him. She compared the path they cut across his apartment to a football play. ‘It was 30 minutes of me getting up and moving and him following and sticking his fingers down my throat again. It was really repetitive.'”
    “Most of my discomfort was expressed in me pulling away and mumbling.”
    “He asked her if she was okay. ‘I said I don’t want to feel forced because then I’ll hate you, and I’d rather not hate you,’ she said.”
    “I stood up and said no, I don’t think I’m ready to do this, I really don’t think I’m going to do this.”
    At no point in the story does the alleged victim say she engaged in sexual acts with Ansari because she wanted him to like him.

    • Ben-

      While you are wholly entitled to your own perspective on the “babe.net” article, many, many have derided it as a woman airing out a bad date.

      At no point in the story did the woman relate where she……………..left Ansari’s company.

      • Hi Ram:
        No, the woman did say that she left.
        “She teared up in the hallway, outside his place, pressing the down button on the elevator. The Uber was waiting when she left the building. He asked if she was Essence, she said yes, and then she rode back to her Brooklyn apartment. “I cried the whole ride home. At that point I felt violated. That last hour was so out of my hand.”
        That’s really the point of my comment. This isn’t about my perspective. It’s the perspective of the woman allegedly assaulted! This should have nothing to do with my perspective, or your perspective or the author’s perspective.
        Why can the alleged victim not speak for herself, and why does the author, and apparently others, feel the need to speak for her? We don’t need to make up what happened to suit our own personal priorities.
        If the author has proof that the alleged victim did not communicate her discomfort to Ansari, she should share it. Otherwise, the author shouldn’t make unfounded claims. I don’t think that’s really so hard.

        • She (the woman) chose to run her account of the matter via “babe.com” vs. going to the authorities, thus she is subject to our view of her account as she chose to present it.

          You have elected to frame her as a “victim”, and I, having read the same piece, elect not to.

          • Actually, no, I haven’t framed her as a “victim.” I used the phrase alleged victim consistently.
            Your comment illustrates the entire point of this.
            1. Why does a sexual assault occur only based on the conditions that you, an outsider, have set? Are sexual assaults that are not reported to the police not sexual assaults? Why is reporting to the police an integral part of an assault taking place?
            2. Do you have evidence that the alleged victim did not file a police report? Can you please share that evidence? If you don’t have such evidence, why are you making unfounded claims about the alleged victim?
            3. Is it not possible there might be legitimate reasons why people who are sexually assaulted don’t go to the police when they are assaulted? Have you missed the Larry Nassar sentencing this week? Numerous girls – now women – assaulted spoke to the fact that because another adult, often their own parent, was in the room when they were assaulted, they assumed nothing wrong had happened. Should their stories be up for questioning because they didn’t go to the police?
            4. Did you also miss, during the Nassar sentencing, that numerous girls assaulted DID go to the police, and nothing came of their reports? Apparently, reporting sexual assault to the police is not some high bar for confirmation.
            I’ll say it again. I’m baffled why both you, and the author, feel the need to make statements for the alleged victim, particularly statements that are unfounded in fact. If you have the facts that she never filed a police report, do share them. It would be helpful to this discussion, in my opinion.

          • I didn’t set any conditions-the woman in the babe article described them. I am free to interpret her narrative as presented.

            Assault is a criminal act, and the police arrest people who commit assault-if it’s reported to them.

            Where’s the report that Ansari is under investigation? don’t see it, haven’t seen it.

            This woman does not relate an experience analogous to the Nassar matters.

            The woman here does not assert that she was victim of a criminal assault. Why would she exclude the fact that she reported Ansari when every other detail of the encounter was documented?

            Regret is not the same as assault, Ben. It just isn’t.

  2. What I believe to be the primary point of the article – our culture becoming more selfish, self-centered and physical activities rather than true, caring relationships, was well said and appreciated. Thank you for saying it.


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